How to Land a Man

 Another Related Article: How Can I Find Love

Amy RosenthalWritten by: Amy Rosenthal


couplePerhaps, you have been in a romantic relationship with your man for a relatively long time. It is also very likely that you have been hoping that he would have proposed to you but there has been no sign of that. Which may be why you're wondering now about how to land a man.  



Consider his dreams 


Most girls grow up with the dream of a Husband, family, and house. They fantasize about their wedding day, the white dress, the whole boat load. Boys fantasize about becoming superheroes or being a great sports athlete. The point is that by the time we get to adulthood, we may not be on the same page about the timing of marriage. Throughout their childhood they didn’t fantasize about marriage. It wasn’t their lifelong goal. Expecting him to be as eager as a woman to be married is like expecting a woman to be as


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excited about star wars as the guys are. I’m assuming he loves you otherwise he wouldn’t still be with you. It just may be that the timing of the goals he had in life is different than yours. It’s very likely that he had career oriented goals and sees them as conflicting with the goals towards marriage. Don’t be upset that he hasn’t thought of marriage as much as you have. How to land a man is sometimes a matter of waiting patiently. 






He needs your acceptance 


In answering the question of how to land a man, you need to understand his fears. So if you love someone you will want to marry them right? That's not the primary thought on a man's mind when marriage comes up? Men are hugely afraid of failure. Particularly the inability to provide financially for his family. He doesn’t want to commit to a marriage where he won’t be able to sustain his wife’s needs and expectations. It’s tied into their self-esteem. This is why so many men separated from their wives during the great depression. They choose careers and money over family because it was part of their self-worth.  


Now in a marriage it’s supposed to be 50/50 right? He’s not thinking that subconsciously, he’s thinking that he needs to provide the majority of the family’s needs. Telling him it’s 50/50 may not even change that. It’s part of his subconscious. He feels the pressure to perform and provide.  Nagging him about marriage only adds to this pressure. When he tells you he loves you, he does. It’s could be his fear of failure that stops him from getting married to the woman he loves. He's looking at the fear of failing his potential family, the marriage, and most of all you. No pressure right? 


Your acceptance and love is an important trait here. If he feels like you accept and love him even if he does fail, he won’t feel as pressured because he knows that you accept and love him regardless. Avoid pressuring him into marriage, it’ll happen when he’s ready. And stop taking it out on yourself thinking he doesn’t love you or that there’s something wrong with you. It really just has to do with him. 



Aware of his self-esteem 


Getting him to want to marry you is going to take more than your good looks and the way you make him feel going out together. You need to make him feel supported and strong about himself. Men have a self-esteem, even though it may not show as much. They will never talk about it or their feelings, so it’s usually something women neglect unknowingly. Be the support in this area by encouraging him, supporting his goals, keeping an eye out for negative words spoken against him, and mostly by making him feel good about himself. With your support and encouragement in his ear, he’ll know without doubt that spending forever with you is the right move. 



Be Considerate to his Fears 


You need to realize that when men are shying away from marriage matters, they usually have certain fears about the institution. We live in a society today where divorce is rather commonplace with its disturbing consequences. It is likely that your man's parents had a messy divorce while he was younger and the experience was rather unpleasant, perhaps unbearable, for him while growing up. In a situation where this is the case, to make him marry you, you need to reassure him that you mean well for him and you do not have any plan of splitting up in the future. If he has other fears, both of you need to sit down and talk it out with you helping to allay his fears. 




Let him process 


Here's a tip on how to land a man. It is important for you to avoid appearing too desperate to make him marry you. When you start trying too hard to make him commit to you, you risk losing him entirely as he might completely lose interest in you. He does this because he needs space. Men “process” inside themselves, when they have too many thoughts or emotions they process it independently first before expressing it. Women tend to talk. They gather their friends and support each other and their thinking process involves the input and listening of others. When you try to get close to him while he is trying to “process” It disrupts their natural way of processing things. As a result he’ll try to get away from you physically and or emotionally so that he can continue the processing.  


He needs his space. It’s just the way men handle things. If you leave him alone, like a bird in spring he will come back again. Best thing for you is to let things proceed smoothly. Gently let him know you love and support him and the question will come up at the appropriate time when he is prepared. 


Another danger in rushing to make him marry you is that your marriage could become short-lived where divorce may spell its end. This is why he may need his time to process things.



Are you the right woman for him? 


I’m not saying you aren’t, but are you showing him you are? Subconsciously he’s probably been checking you out to see if he and you will go good together. He’s looking for things like respect and support from you. You’ve probably been showing him love, but that’s not the primary thing he needs in a marriage. Do you inadvertently show him mistrust by making him feel like your checking up on him because you don’t trust him. Do you give him the mental and emotional space he wants? Or do you push him to be as expressive and as emotional as you are, or as you want him to be. Does he feel like you want him to be someone he’s not? Like you’re trying to change him.  


These are all things you’ve never intended to communicate to him, but they may be things he thinks you are. And if he thinks you are, it’s no wonder he’s not ready to marry yet. Communication is key here. The tone of voice, body language, mischosen words can all have a very different impact than what we intend them to. It could be something you said 6 months ago which was completely misconstrued.  


When communicating it can be very helpful to begin by saying how you feel about the subject. That way the words picked when talking about the subject have less of a chance to be misunderstood because he knows the direction you intend to go when talking about it. Men understand words more than they read emotions. Women do the opposite when listening. 


Or try writing him a loving email or letter. Speaking on the spot, especially about things with such high emotion can be rather tricky for most people. Words said in our mind may not come out from our lips with the same intent. If you want to be sneaky, disguise it as a love letter expressing your thoughts and feelings towards him. 



Have you told him you want him? 


Women grow up with a fantasy and desire to get married much stronger than men do.  Men are aware of the dream women have growing up and it can scare them. Here’s why. Men can sometimes feel that she grew up with this fantasy of marriage so now she just wants to get married. It doesn’t have to be him, she just wants to marry someone. He feels used, as if he’s just being substituted into their fantasy. There needs to be a vocal distinction that you want to marry him, as opposed to just getting married. This has to be affirmed every time marriage comes up. Expressing how you want to marry him makes him feel loved, cherished, and special. There’s a completely different picture in their minds from wanting to get married, and wanting to marry him.  



Express Your Financial Support 


For some men, financial difficulty is usually at the back of their reluctance to want to marry. These fears are sometimes real because there are some ladies out there who think that, once married, their men should be the one seeing to the financial needs of the whole family. Has he taken you on a few fancy and expensive dates in your relationship? He may feel as if you expect that as the norm, and may be afraid of letting you know the truth that it can’t be the norm. Did you express dreams of travelling to the exotic as a kid to him, or even your honeymoon? His career may not let him travel that much. Does he feel like you expect things from him that may be difficult for him to provide? Financial provision is a touchy subject for men. Discussing the finances in the open and giving him love and acceptance can relieve some of these fears. 



When was the last time you had a fight? 


Was it handled correctly? Every couple is going to fight, the question is how it’s handled. At the end of the night did you forgive each other? Is it a reoccurring fight? Or did it last for 2 weeks without open communication. Were hurtful words exchanged with no relevance to the subject being fought over? Did other issues come up during the fight? Was it over something trivial which really could have been over something much larger? Did communication shut down where one person didn’t want to talk or listen to the other person?   Did he truly forgive you? Or is he still hurt from something spoken. The way previous fights have been handled could be the issue lurking in the back of his mind. The question really isn’t when the last time you fought was.   But has it truly, wholeheartedly, buried in the grave, been resolved? And are you learning each time you fight, handling each argument better? Before tying the knot, it would be a good time to understand each other more and resolve the way arguments are handled. 



Sometimes blaming him about his lack of desire towards marriage is just insulting and counter- productive. Does your man have one of these thought patterns? Continue to be supportive, respecting his fears, while keeping loving and open communication. He’ll come around and start seeing you as the one he wouldn’t dream of living a life without. 




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