Bring Back the Spark

 Another Related Article: How to Connect with Him

Amy RosenthalWritten by:Amy Rosenthal


couple about to kissThere will come a time when things don't go the way we want them. Same fact applies to the issue of relationships; there will likely be a time when you will need to make him love you again, or bring back the spark in your relationship.



Understanding that relationships evolve and go through lulls is important. Relationships are like boats in the ocean. Where the passion and spark seem to be high at one point, then simmer down at another. This process repeats itself again and again. Not understanding this can lead people to believe that they just don’t love each other anymore when the boat is off a wave. They typically break-up, not understanding that the cycle is normal. Then re-enter their next relationship where the same pattern occurs. Sticking it through, knowing that this cycle is normal for everyone, is important in order to bring back the spark. 


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Most people grow up believing that relationships are what Hollywood paints them out 

to be, and then expect that feeling of when you first met to last forever. In reality the feeling of first love is true and genuine, but then evolves into something else, a bond where a more supportive and deeper connection exist. Where you feel safe to tell the other person anything or feel like they understand you like no one else does. Where you feel like you’ve known them for a lifetime. This deeper connection takes quality time together to form. With some couples it happens through deep conversation. With others it happens from doing nothing together. Sometimes it’s a combination of both. Trying to improve and remember that connection can help bring back the spark. 



The first step you need to take to bring back the spark is to think back to the time before you and your partner got together. Try and remember what it was like back then; how you lived your life. Of course, you had your own independent life before you started going out together. One possible reason why the flare might have left is because you changed from being your real self along the line. For example, it is likely that you were the kind of person that used to put special care to how you look, but started taking less care of yourself after you both fell in love. In the vast amount of time spent together you’ve grown comfortable with each other. Then day by day, you've been getting more comfortable looking less attractive around them. Bring back the spark through the little things. Take the time to look good and smell good around each other, even if you’re not going out for dinner but just watching TV together. You don't have to spend a lot of effort like when you were first dating, but put in just a little.



The little things you did for one another can help bring back the spark. When was the last time you wrote them a letter expressing how you felt towards them? Or cooked their favorite meal with a glass of red? Don’t doubt that the little things matter. In the beginning you could talk about nothing and you still felt excited. What happened? Early in the relationship the nature of your conversations were finding out about each other. It was new and exciting. New and exciting is the point here. Try doing new things together. Be adventurous in your relationship. Look up questions that help couples grow closer together, questions that you`ve never clued in on asking them. Do things that are new and exciting. Take up new hobbies, hang out with different friends. This new environment can help bring back the spark in your relationship.



Your conversations in the beginning were also centered on expressing feelings of love toward each other. Miss them? You’ve probably thought that since you've already said you hearts feelings for them they remember right? Words like “I love the way your eyes compliment you hair”. Or “you’re the best thing that’s happened to my life”. When people hear compliments and encouraging words endorphins are released in the brain causing them to feel good. Simple words spoken can create an atmosphere, an intimate dynamic between two people. Make a habit of speaking your heart to each other at least once a day. Such a small thing can take a relationship into great deepness together.



The internet can be a massive source of ideas to bring back the spark. Use this tool of the century for your marriage. It’s filled with great date ideas of fun and exciting places to go and things to do. You’re not limited anymore to just you and you partners ideas.



Two heads are better than one right? The more the merrier correct? Get your friends together and explain what you’re going through. How can you expect good advice if you’re not asking for any? Go on a group date, hang out with friends together. This way your ideas can pool together and there’s less pressure on anyone to make the entire date go well. Maybe you’ve been too closed off from the world. Community can be healthy in a relationship, where there’s less focus on one specific person. People can have a better time in large groups anyways.



Are there small elephants in the room? In a relationship fighting is normal and can even be healthy, but only if fights are handled correctly. Most of the time unresolved hurt or unexpressed feelings are what people are left with when arguments are over. These issues can be swept under the rug which may make bringing back the spark impossible until resolved. They need to be brought out into the open and resolved before growing into bitterness towards each other. Issues like these grow into something larger than what they should be if left unchecked. Bringing up past issues can also lead to fights; if this is the case maybe a counselor would be advisable. If a counselor is too expensive, what about the local pastor? Or an older couple? Someone with years of marriage wisdom who you can run ideas by.



Most fights occur from miscommunication and not fully understanding each other. We grow up not really understanding the opposite sex, learning from mistakes or friends just as clueless as we are. Ask people of the opposite sex how they would feel in certain situations, read books. Taking the time learning about the other sex can save a lot of trouble. Click here to read the Men Made Easy review



Using the small things in life to bring back the spark can mean so much to a relationship. With these tips, you’ll find that you still love each other, you just had to stir it up.




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